Long Summer

 The summer has revolved around mom's health and care. I am embracing my ministry more fully. Not all is right with the world of course, but the world is never ALL right. It is how we respond to the world that dictates whether or not we ourselves are doing ok. I like the quote attributed to President Abraham Lincoln:

"Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be." 

There is a lot of power... and personal responsibility to be found in those words. If my personal happiness and peace are, in the end, up to me, I need to be mindful of those days where I feel broken and unhappy. Not that I shouldn't feel those things - circumstances always have a hand in how we are feeling. And there are oh so many reasons for sorrow and anger, and it is even worse with a chemical imbalance like depression. I am not talking about that; I mean when I wallow in them instead of letting them go int heir own good time. At that point, I have made a conscious decision to deny myself happiness and peace.

And I don't have to do that anymore.

Daily Mass readings
Judges 6:11-24a
Psalm 96:1-2a, 2b-3, 4-5
Matthew 19:23-30
Memorial of The Queenship of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Easy to be Holy... when it's easy

My mom has been in the hospital since before Memorial Day with kidney failure. Along with mobility problems, and operation challenges, this leaves my sister and our families wondering what comes next. As far as how Mom will be cared for once the emergent medical issues and rehab are completed.

I haven't been consciously praying to be honest. As a Christian and a priest, this has been upsetting to me; I try to keep a daily prayer regimen and when things are "easy" it's usually pretty easy. When I look at what's been on my plate the last 2 months I think "Well I certainly can't blame myself!" I think it's a matter of acceptance that this is how things are; people get old and suck and will eventually die. That's all well and good when you're discussing the Buddha's discovery of suffering and samsara. It's a different matter entirely when you're talking about a beloved parent.

I'm feeling this all for the first time even though my father passed several year ago, complete with long hospital stays and living in a nursing home. I was high, in active addiction back then. I never visited him more than once every 2 months or so and no one really expected anything of me. Least of all me. Now I've been seeing my mother at least 4-5 times a week since she's been in hospital. Even though there is absolutely nothing that I can really do. Other than be present and hold her hand. 

Other than be in the room with her so that for an hour or 2 she's not alone.

And maybe that's my prayer that I think I haven't been praying. God bring mom, and all of us, peace as we transition to this new way of being.

DAILY MASS READINGS
Genesis 21:5, 8-20a
Psalm 34:7-8, 10-11, 12-13
Matthew 8:28-34

The depths of hell?

We bring down so-called condemnation upon ourselves. WE separate ourselves from Love – I do it all the time when I isolate and fall close to despair. THAT is hell - deliberately cutting ourselves off from avenues of Love. Hell is the absence of Love. Not because we hate God, not because of so-called sinful actions for which we do not receive Sacramental confession with the proper formulae. But because we do not believe we deserve Love. It is our own inner feelings of guilt and shame – exaggerated and blown all out of proportion in our minds, pounded into us from so many arenas - that cuts us off from God, the Eternal Lover. THAT is the “free will” that’s always talked about. And it is formidable. We do not grow horns and maniacally laugh with a pitchfork when we are in this hell, we do not/cannot get “tricked” into hell by some imp named Screwtape. We push Love away ourselves when in this hell, because Love is so very beautiful and we can sometimes become convinced that we are so very ugly. We become convinced of this sometimes by the very religious institutions that should be trumpeting God’s love rather than God’s condemnation. We refuse strenuously yet somehow longingly – because what does Love want with someone like us??  We are beloved children of God, before ANYTHING – who could be worthier of joining with the very source of Love??

As a Christian priest and sometimes-sufferer of this Hell, I cannot believe nor will I ever teach that an All-Loving God puts us in this state as punishment nor that this state is eternal. We all deserve Love. Even the people we hate deserve Love. Because our first role is Beloved of God. Hell is our own banishment of Love.

THE SANCTIFYING LOVE OF GOD WILL WAIT FOR US, however long it takes.

Daily Mass Readings 

Acts 16:22-34

Psalm 138:1-2ab, 2cde-3, 7c-8

John 16:5-11

Disability, spiritual cottages & Home

 

We went to the Long Island Beltaine festival on Saturday and I celebrated Mass that evening – it was really a good day. The following day, I was hurting and I let the idea of being disabled and the Sunday Blues get to me. I wound up rising earlier than usual yesterday (thanks to a cranky dog), but I made use of the time. Took my time showering, dressing, and praying the Divine Mercy Chaplet with the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal.

But the big deal, the big hump was Saturday the day of the festival; on the weekends, I cling to the idea that I can ONLY do one thing a day, and my body kind of shuts down after that. My spine, muscles, not to mention my depression, demand it. The fact that we went to Beltaine AND I celebrated Mass is huge. They BOTH went well and that is what I need to build on.

Also, it’s time to stop with being ultra distracted by other intriguing faiths. I love Buddhism and the various Pagan faiths like Wicca and Druidry; I have cultivated these beautiful and welcoming spiritual cottages everywhere.

But my forever Home is the Christian Church. 

Not the one that calls me an enemy of God. No more. I'm referring to the fellowship in that Jesus – my brother, my friend, my God – loves me, is patient with me, and will always be there for me.  Where we lift each other up instead of cut people down in guilt and shame.

THAT is the Christian Church. THAT is my Church.

Daily Mass Readings

Acts 14:19-28

Psalm 145:10-11, 12-13ab, 21

John 14:27-31a

🙏🙏🙏

Nothing much to say but this... the day is beautiful and it is such a privilege to be of service as the priest of a loving God.

Daily Mass Readings 

Acts 14:5-18

Psalm 115:1-4,15-16

John 14:21-26

Objective vs. subjective?

Which is “good” from an ethical perspective?

 Objectively always-knowable truth; certainty in always being right and having a perfectly right source from which to derive wisdom? Subjective truth that can morph & change from situation to situation and person to person?

Right is right even if no one is right; wrong is wrong even if everyone is wrong?

What’s right for me may not be right for you; live and let live?

It is comforting and even seductive to espouse what we tout as objective truth. Why? Because we can simply take action and speak it without wrestling with it because… well, because we know it’s right.  I have wanted (and often still want) to be able to espouse objective truth and wrestling the angels be damned. It is so EASY to be sure of something, like being secure in the knowledge that the earth revolves around the sun, 2+2=4, I have 10 fingers and 10 toes. I’d never fret over the truth of those statements because there is no denying them. They are facts.

What about moral truth?

Killing is wrong; what about abortion or killing in self-defense? Sex outside of heterosexual marriage is wrong; what about committed LGBTQ+ marriages and polyamorous families? Transgenderism is a mental disorder, what about the scientists, doctors, psychiatrists, and other-than Judeo Christian cultures that acknowledge more than 2 genders as being legitimate and beautiful?

It’s be nice to just say, “I know what’s right and I can tell from Church teaching & Scripture.” It’d be so easy to dismiss people who have abortions for whatever reason, sexual deviants, and freaks of nature. I could dismiss all this out of hand as wrong;

Except I was party to an abortion that I know was the right thing to do at the time.

Except I am in a loving polyamorous marriage and a committed partnership.

Except I have discovered very recently that I’m Queer.

Except several people I have accepted as family are happily transgender, have fulfilling lives and have made MY life fuller and more joyful.

See, it doesn’t matter what my personal feelings are about any of these or a million other ethical dilemmas. It might be easy to “pick a side” and denounce someone’s identity or the way they love from the rooftops. But that sure doesn’t look like the behavior of Jesus to me. Jesus loves and accepts people where they are, who they are. 

Not “in spite of” who they are but BECAUSE of who they are.

Angels are meant to be wrestled with. And everyone I meet needs to be welcomed as Jesus. Whether it’s easy or not.

End of song.

 

Thursday in the Octave of Easter

Acts of the Apostles 3:11-26
Psalms 8:2ab and 5, 6-7, 8-9
Luke 24:35-48

Let Holy Week begin

 Another unannounced absence over. And that's OK today actually.

AT my wife's suggestion, I am beginning my writing once again. No matter who's reading or not. As I have committed myself to St. Francis Community once again, I am going to haver to get used to writing up sermons for my Masses. And honing skills beyond what I use at my 9-5 job since the ultimate goal is a different 9-5 job more akin to my skills and a pastor, as a spiritual companion, as a priest.

So join us, won't you?? As this banker of circumstance walks down this brambled path to find the path  believe God would prefer to have me on. God cares about my happiness and peace of mind too, just like everyone else. Why SHOULDN'T I strive for the life I have been called to but afraid to seek until now. I've said this before here, but... maybe, maybe, it is finally time. I am on the the clock here and I am not getting any younger.

In essence, do I choose Life... or what is essentially Death, to my spirit and my heart?

You shall be my people. And I shall be your God.

Saturday of the Fifth Week of Lent Lectionary: 256
Ezekiel 37:21-28
Jeremiah 31:10, 11-12abcd, 13
John 11:45-56