Ending Sabbatical

I have been on formal sabbatical from my priesthood since September of last year. And it is finally time to come home.

I felt so much stress from so many areas; work, my mom’s health, my familial relationships, the continuing pandemic, dropping out of chaplaincy courses, my own personal feelings of unworthiness toward my ministerial vocation. One day where I was feeling particularly desperate (a very poor state in which to be making major decisions), I simply texted my bishop, told him my troubles, and asked for sabbatical status. I think it took him by surprise, but honoring my decision, he gave the go-ahead. My family was as surprised as the church.

I entered a time of relative isolation, made easier by the pandemic to be sure and punctuated by my time quarantining with Covid.

I spoke to God.

I spoke to my ancestors.

I cried – a lot.

Finally, mindlessly scrolling through Twitter (ugh I wish I could remember the account) I saw a quote that made me sit up in bed and take notice. I had seen other quotes – hell, hundreds – like it. But this tweet and this particular time snapped me out of my slumber:

“One does not need to be worthy. One only needs to be willing.”

OK. That is something I could build on.

Whether I am a priest or a minister or whatever I am calling myself this week, I can be willing to go where I am led. I know God’s voice in contrast to my own. My feelings of vocational unworthiness can be ignored if I trust in where I am being led and by whom. And I do.

Calling up my bishop and telling him my good news was a bit humbling as well; he directed me to contact each of our church’s clergy and discuss my sabbatical and my experiences with them. While I was wondering why, he read my mind and said, “We are church, Tom. We are community. We get through our joys and trials together. Depend on us, just as we will depend on you.”

Community. Church. Together.

I am in the midst of said calls, and my fellow clergy have been nothing but loving, supportive and welcoming. So much so that I am forced to wonder if wrestling with my angels alone during sabbatical would have even been necessary had I bothered to ”tag” one of our community into the Battle Royale of religious life!