I am always reflective spending time in my mom's house as we get closer to the first anniversary of her death. We are cleaning it out to prepare it for sale, and it is something both my sister and I have been avoiding. That aside for a moment, the house doesn't feel like "mom's" anymore. A lot of the things in the house from my childhood seem to have lost their juju - old albums & videotapes, ancient stuffed animals, holiday decorations that used to be magical to me. Since Mom has died & the house is no longer occupied, she may have taken the magic with her. And maybe it is good thing if it's so.
My parents were good parents & brought up my sister & I the best way they knew how. However, as I have found out in my own journey through fatherhood, sometimes our best ain't all that great. We lose patience & say things we shouldn't, we find easier softer ways to do things instead of the right way. We see issues with our children that we don't wish to face and so maybe we pretend we don't see it at first. I know this describes me on more than once occasion with my own kids. But that's another writing altogether.
That house that held childhood joy still holds child-to-adulthood demons; some of which I have not yet exorcised and may never do so. My addiction. My abuse. And more. This may be a time of healing and cleansing for both me and my sister. Divine Spirit watch over us as we do the work of making mom's house into just a house. Give us the strength to show any of our remaining nightmares & dreamscapes to the door.
I don't want her to be gone. But she is. Happy early heavenly anniversary, Mommy! 💔
Daily Mass Readings
Deuteronomy 34:1-12
Psalm 66:1-3a, 5 and 8, 16-17
Matthew 18:15-20
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